


You Will [N]ever Be Forgotten

by Sonnista



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Both hurt each other, Don't say I didn't warn you, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fictional Memory Erasure, Hit the Feels, Kissing, Language, M/M, Memory Loss, Pain, Please believe me, Regrets, Sorry Not Sorry, Sort of Happy End, Thiefshipping, What Have I Done, present and past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29949420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonnista/pseuds/Sonnista
Summary: Sometimes people leave such a bitter taste in your life that you just want to forget their entire existence || What if that's possible?Thiefshipping/Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU
Relationships: Thiefshipping - Relationship, Yami Bakura / Malik Ishtar
Comments: 11
Kudos: 18





	You Will [N]ever Be Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Important: This fic contains a frame story that runs parallel to the actual plot throughout the entire story. This frame story does NOT take place at the same time as the main story. I've written something about it at the end, so if you lose track while reading (which shouldn't happen) you can scroll down to the bottom. But the explanation contains slight spoilers to the beginning of the story!
> 
> -
> 
> And at this point shoutout to Ziggy for being my beta!<3 You gave me amazing support and i'm so grateful for your help!  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE!
> 
> Go and check out Ziggy's page on Tumblr! Btw she creates amazing gifs! ;) (https://bakuraisabitch.tumblr.com/)

_"Only four hours?" asks Malik, his own voice sounding foreign to him._

_"Your mind will try to process everything as quickly as possible. Relax, Mr. Ishtar. You're in good hands. We specialize in this kind of treatment."_

_Four hours for every conversation, every argument, every kiss._

_Four hours for every single memory about Bakura._

_"The first thing you will see are the recent memories. But as soon as you've gone through the memory, you'll forget it. So, don't worry," the young psychiatrist explains as she attaches the small myriad electrodes to Malik's head. Her hands are very careful, and her voice sounds soft, reassuring. "As soon as you open your eyes again, the treatment will be over."_

_In her hand is a syringe._

_"Are you ready?"_

_Malik nods and feels the needle prick his skin._

★

It is almost noon. Malik struggles to get up from his bed. He is so damn tired.

 _Psychiatrist, 3 pm,_ his phone calendar shows him for today. He has no idea why he has an appointment with the psychiatrist. He feels fine. Everything is fine.

Rishid drops by unannounced at 2 pm. Malik, by now more awake, blinks at him in confusion.

"So?" asks Rishid, with an expression on his face that Malik can't place at that moment. "Are you ready?"

It's strange, Malik thinks, how Rishid knows about his psychiatrist appointment. He also seems to think it's necessary for him to drive him there. Why shouldn't Malik be able to make it on his own?

He nods, despite not remembering asking Rishid to accompany him.

Let alone having made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

But as they sit in Rishid's car, Malik doesn't seem to care. He's not tired anymore, but he doesn't feel awake either. It’s something in between. He watches the raindrops steadily pattering against the car's windows, and then he thinks of nothing at all.

They spend some time in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Only the monotonous ticking of a clock on the wall can be heard. Rishid flips through a magazine and shows Malik some articles, perhaps to distract him a bit. Malik merely reads over them, but he appreciates this gesture from his adopted brother. After twenty minutes, a pretty, black-haired woman in a white coat opens the door of the waiting room and smiles kindly at Malik. Malik still has no idea why he is here.

He is fine.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Ishtar," she says, her voice soft, and leads him to her office. Malik suddenly remembers that he's been here twice before.

"How are you today?" she asks after taking a seat at her desk.

"I'm fine," Malik replies, sitting down in the chair across from her. "But I honestly have no idea why I'm here."

"This is a follow-up regarding the treatment you had last evening." She puts a folder on the table and opens it. There are small, colorful pieces of paper stuck to the sheets everywhere, with notes written in an almost illegible script. Malik's eyes narrow and he takes a closer look at the documents. In the lower right corners, he can recognize his own handwriting. He has signed all these documents. But why?

"It's normal for you to be confused after this treatment," she says, as if she's said the phrase hundreds of times before. "You came to see us for a mind expansion procedure."

Malik knows these words, but he has no idea what they mean.

"What?" he asks as he flips through his own dossier. Some words in it keep repeating, as does a name that seems unfamiliar to Malik.

"Maybe I should give you a minute to look at the documents more closely," the psychiatrist says calmly.

He's not sure if that will help, but he goes through the folder anyway. The most repeated words are loss, relationship, Bakura, depression. The words are familiar to Malik, only the name isn't.

"Who's Bakura?" he asked, his eyes back on his psychiatrist. His brows furrowed together.

"Is he the doctor who directed the treatment?"

"He's the person you wanted erased from your memory," she replies, after a moment.

★

_The psychiatrist injects him with the soporific. It doesn't even take a second for Malik to close his eyes, and suddenly there are just all these vivid memories._

_He remembers the last time he saw Bakura._

_"Thank you for coming," Bakura says, and sighs._

_Malik can once again feel the anger that has gripped him at this moment, across from Bakura at a secluded table in a bar. The music is blaring far too loudly from the speakers, and it smells like cold cigarette smoke._

_"Why should I come here?" asks Malik in an annoyed tone, remembering how powerful he felt at that moment as if he were sitting on a throne and staring down at Bakura from above._

_His memory has not forgotten how Bakura looks. Paler than usual, with black circles under his eyes, sunken cheeks as if he were sick. His face is like an open book, marked with pain and regret. Although he senses that he considers the sight to be satisfying back then, there is something else, oppressive. Malik can't place it._

_Bakura takes a sip of his drink before he slowly begins to speak._

_"I still have some of your stuff, I'll bring it over to you in the next few days. I didn't even realize I packed some of your things."_

_"Sure," Malik replies, and his voice sounds empty as he thinks Bakura is using this as an excuse to draw him into an unnecessary conversation._

_The first memory makes him realize that he did the right thing, erasing Bakura from his memory. What a fucking idiot._

_"I live with Ryou now." Bakura pauses as if hoping Malik would say something about it. But Malik wouldn't._

_Malik already doesn't even know why he ever loved Bakura._

_"I know you don't want me around anymore, but...", Bakura suddenly rubs his eyes, lips pressed into a tight line, and Malik is glad it's the last time he has to go through this memory. "Malik, I'm so fucking sorry. I was - you hadn't touched me in forever, I thought you didn't love me anymore and that it was already over! If you would let me explain and just give me another chance, I-"_

_Malik has remembered this moment far too many times to know he's about to interrupt Bakura, and that's exactly what happens next._

_"Leave me alone with your bullshit Bakura and have fun with your new life. Ship my stuff to me, I don't want to see you anymore. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone to comfort you over me again. You didn't have any problems with that last time," Malik hears himself say, his voice bitter and cold. He just wants to forget all this._

_His wish comes true._

_Bakura's expression shows pure pain, and then everything fades, the memory is finally gone._

★

When Malik finally leaves the follow-up, he feels a little overwhelmed, but at least this was the last appointment, and Rishid is with him.

The psychiatrist told him that there could be side effects over the next few weeks, such as headaches and confusion. It's still a very experimental procedure, she said, but Malik was eager to have it done. Memory lapses could also become noticeable.

"How was it?" asks Rishid as they both get into the car, and Malik just shrugs. Rishid doesn't ask further, and even though Malik can't remember, he's quite sure that he had asked Rishid to accompany him for a ride for that very reason.

For a while, they both sit in silence next to each other before Malik asks, "Who is Bakura?"

Rishid frowns, still looking at the road. "She told you who you erased from your memories?"

"Yes. I should know who he is so I won't be more confused if I meet him." He swallows and turns his head to Rishid. "Why did I have him erased from my mind?"

Rishid looks like he is considering his following words well before answering. "You were together, and you had.... problems. You were living together, and then after the breakup, he moved out. You've had a rough time."

Malik remembers wanting to block out all memories of Bakura and not being able to think clearly. He stares ahead for a bit, trying to remember the details of that time, but there's nothing. "And then?"

"Well, you wanted to be able to focus on your work at the museum and not be so negative to the customers," Rishid says, and Malik feels like he's trying to downplay the situation. "And then you read about the mind expansion procedure on the Internet, and that there's a doctor for it here in Domino. You asked me to help you, so I drove you to the first appointment last week, and then to the treatment yesterday. You were exhausted after that, so I drove you back so you could wake up in your apartment."

"I don't really remember it," Malik mumbles. He also downplays it a bit.

"Yeah, it's normal," Rishid says. "But you look better today."

Malik nods, letting his mind drift away. "Where's...where's Isis? I haven't erased her, but... I haven't seen her in a while, have I?"

Rishid grimaces. "She didn't want you to actually go through with the treatment."

"Why?"

"She's upset with you. And at me for helping you." Rishid sighs and shrugs. "But it was your decision, and she has to accept that. And besides, she rewrote the work schedule especially because of you. You're doing evenings and weekends with me now." Rishid grins. "Welcome to the crappy work schedule club."

This also draws a grin from Malik.

★

_The memories keep coming. Malik remembers the day he officially broke up with Bakura._

_He comes home early in the morning from a road trip on his motorcycle that he took alone over the weekend to clear his head, and the first thing he notices is the high heels in the middle of the floor in the hallway._

_He remembers how his heart starts racing, and how his steps slow down as he heads for the bedroom. Malik definitely doesn't want to go through this memory, but he still remembers every little detail, so he has to face this moment again - and yes, nothing has changed. The naked girl still lies asleep in his bed, her hair spread all over the pillow, while Bakura lies next to her, playing some stupid game on his phone._

_Malik's footsteps creak on the floorboards, and when Bakura looks up at him, a horrified expression appears on his face._

_"I-I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow."_

_It's like a horror movie Malik can't pause. This right here is one of the reasons he wanted to erase his memories in the first place._

_"Get out," Malik hisses, and when nothing happens, he yells "Get out!" as loud as he can. And then again, just because it feels good._

_The girl wakes up and looks at him anxiously before jumping up from the bed and gathering her clothes. Malik tries to sound calm as he says to her, "No, not you, take your time." Then he turns to Bakura again and yells, "Get the fuck out of here!" and he thinks he can hear his voice crack a little._

_"Okay, you're angry, but can you please try to calm down?" asks Bakura cautiously in the face of Malik's outburst. He sits up a little, and Malik can see that he is naked as well. He would love to break something. "I live here," Bakura continues talking, "where do you think I should go-"_

_"I don't fucking care!" shouts Malik, and begins to pack Bakura's stuff. His hands are shaking and sweaty, and through his peripheral vision he notices the girl - still half-naked - leaving the room. Furious, he crumples Bakura's shirts and pants into a travel bag._

_"Malik! Stop it, let me-" protests Bakura, pulling on a pair of shorts and grabbing Malik's arm._

_Malik wants to punch him in the face, but he doesn't. He pulls his arm out of Bakura's reach, and Bakura flinches as if Malik had hit him after all. "You haven't touched me in weeks," Bakura hisses. "Is this your way of breaking up with me?!"_

_"I'll be back tonight. And you'll be gone," Malik hisses at him before turning around and leaving the apartment._

_The memory fades and ends, and Malik remembers that Bakura was gone when he came back, but he's spared that memory because Bakura isn't in it._

★

Everything seems normal and okay at the museum - except that Isis doesn't talk to him.

It’s not like she’s ignoring him completely but the feeling is almost the same. When Malik asks her something she answers, and every now and then she even engages in a little small talk, but apart from that there is no communication between them, and if there is, it is only about work-related topics. Malik feels like it’s his fault.

"Isis, I- What did I do wrong?"

"…I just can't believe you actually did it. And even less how I am seriously siding with Bakura right now, but...", Isis seems to be struggling for words a bit and Malik has no idea what she means. His silent confusion seems to paint his features because she is looking at him strangely. Then she shakes her head. “I’m going home. See you then,” she says, before turning away and leaving. 

Malik no longer understands anything and feels lost somehow.

★

_Malik remembers Bakura's frustrations._

_He remembers one afternoon when Bakura sat at his desk after class and tried to do his homework, seemingly without much success, judging by the muttered curses that could be constantly heard._

_"Are you okay?" asks Malik._

_"No," Bakura growls at him. "This is so simple that even a child could learn it, and yet I'm sitting here and I just don't get it!" He writes something down, putting so much pressure on his pencil that the tip breaks. Angrily, he throws the pencil into a corner. "Fuck!"_

_Malik gets up and heads over to Bakura to look over his shoulder. "It's not that hard, is it? I can help you."_

_"I don't need your help," Bakura presses out between gritted teeth. "I can figure this shit out on my own somehow, even if I'm not super smart like you."_

_Malik can hear it now - hear the self-hatred in Bakura's voice, how disappointed he is in himself. Bakura wasn't angry at Malik, he was just frustrated, but instead of leaving him alone, Malik got angry too._

_"If you could handle this shit on your own, I don't think you would need to catch up on your graduation," Malik hears himself say, his voice tinged with cold anger, and he would love to take the words back, but he can't._

_"Nobody asked for your opinion!", Bakura hisses at him, and how did Malik miss the hurt expression on Bakura's face then? How did he miss the trembling in Bakura's voice? How could he not understand what this conflict was really about?_

_But the Malik of that time doesn't see it, doesn't hear it, doesn't understand it, and instead replies, "You're acting like a spoiled teenager. So pathetic."_

_Bakura's hands are shaking. Malik remembers that detail, but he didn't know what it meant at the time. He also didn't care that he had hit a very sore spot with Bakura by doing so._

_"Then why don't you leave instead of wasting your time here with me, when you're so much better! Piss off," Bakura hisses and Malik can feel himself starting to shake, too angry to think straight anymore. He remembers going to Rishid's place to get back down, and the memory sets in again as he returns home._

_Bakura is asleep, but when Malik closes the bedroom door behind him, he wakes up._

_"Malik?" he asks sleepily._

_"Go back to sleep," Malik mumbles. "I'll take the couch."_

_Bakura immediately sounds tense. "Are you trying to make some kind of statement or something?"_

_Malik groans in annoyance. "Why are you even sleeping here? You could have just gone to your old room." He puts on his sleeping clothes without turning on the light._

_"Because we always fall asleep together? To have sex?" Bakura begins to list, sitting up a little. He sounds unsettled and confused._

_"Sex," Malik says in a quiet voice. "Are you serious?"_

_Malik should have turned on the light, he knows that now. He should have turned it on because he's so sure he would have found a hint on Bakura's face about what was going through his head._

_"Malik...," Bakura begins, sounding even more unsettled. "Why are you so angry with me lately?"_

_"Sometimes you’re so-," Malik begins, then interrupts himself. In retrospect, Malik wishes he had cleared things up with Bakura. Instead, he grabs his pillow and blanket. "I'm sleeping on the couch."_

_"Wait," Bakura says, getting up from the bed. "Is that all?"_

_Seeing it now, Malik thinks Bakura might have meant “Is that all you have to say?”. Maybe Bakura wants them to work things out just as Malik does, but Then-Malik doesn’t realise it. He thinks Bakura is just missing the sex, completely ignoring Malik’s feelings. That’s why he turns around and says, “I’m tired,” and then leaves the room to sleep on the couch._

Go back and talk to him!, _Malik wants to yell at himself, but it's too late. The memory is already fading._

★

Malik is actually doing fine. Everything is going well at work, and he feels more comfortable at the museum than at home - for some reason, he thinks his apartment is very confusing. On Thursday, he is walking through his living room when a familiar scent suddenly hits him. Frozen, he stops and takes a deep breath. It's a pleasant scent, and not one that Malik usually detects in his apartment. It’s so intense it feels like someone is asking him, _"Do you remember me?"_

But Malik can't place the scent.

It is a flicker of feelings, and he closes his eyes. He remembers love, the kind of love he has never felt before. The kind of love he's seen around him many times but has never been allowed to be a part of. The kind of love that feels like a part of himself was born without, and he finally finds it again.

He shakes his head, and the flicker disappears again, and so does the scent.

When he is at the museum, he doesn't have to think about this incident. His customers are pleasant and sociable, and the work distracts him. He is functioning.

One evening, as he goes through all the paperwork again, Rishid joins him and sits next to him at the desk.

"Isis is still angry with you. Us, rather."

Malik runs his hands over his face and sighs, "I know."

He feels bad about that. It had been Isis who had gotten Malik a job here back then. A lot had happened since then, and Malik had been lucky to be a part of it all along. He was grateful to his sister for all she had done for him.

"Do you remember what Bakura looks like?" asks Rishid suddenly. Malik takes his hands off his face and looks in surprise at the phone Rishid is holding out to him. There is a photo on it: A handsome man is looking suspiciously at the camera, and Malik feels strange as if he should feel something in particular at the sight.

"Is that him?" he asks hesitantly.

Rishid pulls the phone back. He seems to be looking for something else before holding it up to Malik's face again. "That night you drank a little too much and accidentally called him baby."

This time, Malik actually takes the phone out of his hand to take a closer look at the photo.

In the photo, he's leaning his back against the kitchen counter. He's smiling, and his head is tilted down a bit, eyes closed. Bakura is standing directly in front of him, his hands on either side of Malik's hips on the counter, and their foreheads are touching. 

Bakura's eyes are open and he looks at him.

Malik's head begins to hurt as if his brain is trying in vain to find the memory. He still looks at the photo, sees Bakura looking at him, smiling at him.

Bakura loves him, it's almost painfully obvious.

Malik hands the phone back to Rishid.

"I don't remember, really," he whispers.

Rishid silently takes the phone from him.

And again, Malik feels lost somehow.

"It's okay, Malik." Rishid puts the phone in his back pocket. He stands up and gives him a pat on his shoulder. "Back to work." He smiles, and if Malik tries hard, he can even ignore the worried look in his brother’s eyes.

 _Work is good_ , Malik nods and gets back to his papers.

★

_Malik remembers the bad times._

_The memories he relives are ugly. It is strange when the arguing stops_ _because it leaves nothing but oppressive silence. Like those_ _seemingly endless weeks in which Bakura and Malik saw each other, but neither touched nor talked to each other._

_Malik remembers taking weeks to save up enough money to buy Rishid a ticket for a motorcycle race. However, Bakura spent all of his savings on the school books he needed to buy anew - without asking Malik._

_"Those books are really expensive!" said Bakura._

_Malik remembers the anger. "That money was for Rishid! You didn't even ask me!"_

_"I'll pay you back!"_

_"I need that money now, Bakura!”, Malik snaps at him. Even though Rishid assured him it wouldn't be necessary, for Malik it had been important._

_Bakura just stares at him. "Do you want me to fail? Why are you being so selfish?!"_

_The memory blurs and reshapes itself. They're in a bar with some friends, a few hours after the fight, and they're both drunk, and Malik is leaning on some stranger. His gaze meets Bakura's, and he stares at him challengingly before letting the stranger kiss along his neck._

_Isis, standing next to Bakura, follows Bakura's gaze and sends silent death threats to Malik, which he barely remembers. He only remembers drinking more before the memory fades like all the others._

★

Isis is still angry with him, and Malik is so terribly uncomfortable in his apartment. The summer stretches on, and he is often tired. He talks to Rishid on the phone a few times, and he spends a lot of time outside, but the oppressive feeling inside him doesn't go away. 

After a few weeks, Malik gets a call from a number he doesn't recognize.

"Hello?" he asks suspiciously, hoping it's not a vacuum cleaner salesman or something similar.

"Is it true?" a male voice asks him.

"What?" replies Malik.

"Did you really..." the guy starts, then pauses. Malik is too confused to hang up. "Did you erase me?"

"What do you- ...how did you get this number?" Malik asks cooly, frowning at the phone.

He hears an inhale on the other end of the line. "I can't believe you went through with it," the guy says, almost too quiet to be heard, but the words echo loudly in Malik's head. "I can't believe it."

The guy hangs up before Malik can ask any more questions.

★

_Malik remembers buying a ring for Bakura._

_Bakura wasn't even here at that moment. It was just Malik who had snuck out of the museum during his lunch break but apparently, he had been thinking about Bakura so intensely that this memory has to be erased, even though Bakura doesn't even appear in it._

_Malik looks around in the small jewellery store where he would buy a ring for Bakura later. When his eyes fall on a simple model, made of silver, his heart skips a beat. Bakura would have loved it._

_He has to relive the entire boring afternoon at work because he was thinking about Bakura so much the whole time. When he finally gets home, he sits in the bedroom for a while, staring at the ring, waiting for Bakura to come through the door._

Give him the ring now, _Malik thinks desperately, addressing his memory self._ Give him the ring!

_But Malik doesn't give him the ring. He puts it in his dresser as he hears Bakura unlock the apartment door. He remembers how relieved he felt until the moment Bakura noticed the roses on the dining room table._

_"Malik, is something...?" starts Bakura, his eyes still on the roses._

_"No," Malik says. He remembers looking at Bakura's face, and perceiving the expression on it as fear as if Bakura feared Malik would propose to him. He remembers how stupid he felt at that moment. Malik was Bakura’s first serious relationship. "Nothing special."_

_Bakura's eyes look huge, and this time Malik can see the twitch around the corner of his lips, an incredulous grin just waiting to break out, and this time he understands - Bakura looks like this because he can't believe this is really happening. He is happy._

I can't lose this, _Malik thinks desperately._

_"Malik, these are roses. You've got something planned," Bakura says, his voice full of curiosity._

_"A romantic dinner," Malik lies, and Bakura's expression drops before he forces himself to smile. Bakura is disappointed, but Then-Malik thinks he's relieved._

_"Sounds good." Bakura's voice sounds so forcedly motivated, and Malik has to live through the entire evening, including a disappointed Bakura pretending everything is fine, and Malik's chest aches._

★

Isis is at Malik's door for the first time in weeks, and although she looks like she doesn't really want to be here, she seems determined to communicate with him somehow.

Malik sits down next to her on the living room’s couch, and he can't remember ever being so nervous around his own sister.

"How are you?" he asks carefully.

"Good. How are you? Have you had any memories you can't place? Headaches, blackouts, orientation problems?" asks Isis, as if reading the whole thing off a list.

It surprises Malik enough to answer honestly. "A few weeks ago, I smelled something odd... I stood there and tried to remember, but nothing. Isis, what-" 

Malik wants to ask her more, but his phone rings. It's not a number he knows, so he ignores it. Isis reaches for his phone and frowns when she sees the number. She answers the call before Malik can stop her. "Hey, it's me."

Malik can hear someone on the other end of the line start talking, and Isis huffs. "Get sober first." This is followed by some slower talking, and Isis replies, "I know. I'll try." More from the other end of the line, and this time Isis sighs and mutters, "Stop calling him, it's not helping either of you." She hangs up and puts the phone back on the table.

"What was-", Malik starts, but then his head suddenly starts to hurt, a sudden throbbing that echoes throughout his head. He leans forward, one hand pressed against his forehead, and tries to breathe calmly.

Isisi curses as she disappears into the kitchen, muttering, "I can't believe you did that. It's been weeks now and I still can't believe it." She returns and hands Malik some aspirin tablets and a glass of water. "The headache should be gone soon."

"I'm sorry. I can't remember what I did."

Isis sighs again and shakes her head. "...You have disappointed me, brother."

For a moment, Malik thought Isis was just going to leave, but then she sat down next to him again and put an arm around his shoulders. She hugs him and the headache slowly disappears.

★

_Malik remembers lying in bed with Bakura._

_"I'm so tired," Bakura mumbles. "These stupid classes are so exhausting at the moment." He sighs. "Do you think we'll ever have much money?"_

_Malik remembers how young Bakura looked and sounded at that moment, and how alarm bells immediately went off in his head, how he immediately thought that Bakura might not be up for the stress anymore, not up for him anymore._

_"I know it's hard, but it'll get easier," he hears himself say, his voice strained. "If you want, I can take over your rent for a few months, I can make that work."_

_Bakura shook his head, snorting. "I didn't mean to ask you for money, Malik. I just wanted to complain a bit."_

_"We could also look for a cheaper place to live," Malik continued._

_Bakura sits up. "Malik, stop it. It's all right." He runs his hands up and down Malik's upper arms. "I have everything I need. I love you. I love our life." He pauses for a moment, then adds with a smirk, "Well, maybe not everything about you. But I still love you."_

_And this time Malik hates himself so much that in that moment he asks, "What about me don't you love?" instead of just saying I love you too, like he should have._

_"Well," Bakura says, and lies back down, his head nestled against Malik's shoulder. "For example sometimes you expect me to read your mind. You keep so much to yourself and don't tell me some things, and then you get mad at me for not taking those things into account, even though I don't even know what exactly you expect me to do."_

_Malik's heart constricts a little. He remembers knowing Bakura was right, and still not wanting to admit it._

_"Oh," he says monotonously._

_And to be fair, Bakura should have stopped at that point, but he doesn't._

_"Besides, you're bossing me around. And sometimes you have an arrogant attitude and you act like you're superior to everyone else_ _but you can't help that, you get it all from your stupid father."_

_Malik slides away from Bakura, simply because it hurts even more to listen to all this while they cuddle._

_"What?" asks Bakura, and then with an almost justifying tone in his voice, "You wanted to know!"_

_"You know what your problem is? You never know when to shut up," Malik mutters bitterly._

_"You can't be mad at me right now!" says Bakura, with a stunned expression on his face, and Malik remembers how Bakura was in moments like these. "You can't be angry! You asked!"_

_"How nice of you to be with me even though I suck so much." Malik winces inwardly at the snivelling tone in his voice, but at that moment he almost meant the words. It hurts so much to have to hear all these things, and from Bakura of all people._

_"You're smart," Bakura suddenly blurts out, just as Malik is about to get up. Malik remembers the words to come, and he tries to memorize them as best he can because it will be the last time he hears them. "You are ambitious and determined, and you make everything you do look so easy." Malik remains seated on the bed, his eyes cast on the floor, listening to Bakura. He wishes he could turn his head and look at Bakura while doing so. "I love you, and I want to stay with you. You’re the only light in my life" Bakura sounds surprised as he utters the last sentence, but also serious._

_Malik's head finally moves in Bakura's direction, and he looks at him in surprise. "Really?"_

_"Yes," Bakura answers immediately._

_Malik remembers how his heart was pounding, the anger completely gone. He reaches for Bakura's arm and pulls him to him._

_Bakura wraps his arms around him and presses himself close to Malik, and Malik clings back, suddenly hoping to hold on to the moment in such a way that he might not forget it after all, but after not even a second it fades away, just like all the others._

★

Because he has nothing better to do, Malik starts cleaning his apartment. He wonders what he used to do with all his free time because suddenly it seems so endless and stifling.

Cleaning is boring, so is tidying up, but he is surprised when he finds a ring in a jewelry box in one of his drawers, buried under a pile of socks. He looks at it for a while. The ring seems to be for a man, judging by the size. It is simple and silver.

He sends Rishid a text message.

_I found a ring in my dresser. Men's size. You know what I was going to do with it?_

Rishid calls him immediately.

"What do you mean, found a ring? In which dresser?"

"In the one in the bedroom, at the bottom. It's a plain ring. Maybe for a woman after all, but I think it's too big for that." Malik turns the ring a little between his fingers. He thinks it's pretty.

"Oh my god," Rishid mumbles. "You were going to..." and then he stops speaking before sighing after a long pause. "Throw it away. You won't need it anymore.

Malik frowns. "What was I going to do with the ring?"

"You don't want to know," Rishid says, sounding very serious. "By the way, did you see the motorcycle race last Friday night?"

The conversation shifts to a discussion of sports, but Malik can't stop turning the ring around in his hands.

★

_Malik remembers their arguments._

_There are so many of them. Malik realizes with horror that all their arguments have become so normal that he can't even remember them all individually, as if they were all so unimportant, so trivial. Time drags on like chewing gum, everything is blurry and unclear, with Bakura as the only constant Malik can focus on._

_But then there's a Saturday in December when they're together in a grocery store, waiting at the checkout, and a little girl at the register across from them is crying. She's sitting in the child's seat of the shopping cart, and the woman pushing the cart - Malik assumes it's her mother - seems absolutely unable to cope with the situation, while she digs money for the cashier out of her bag and hangs on the phone with one ear. The little girl cries and cries until she suddenly stares directly at Bakura._

_She stops crying and Malik can hardly take his eyes off either, an amused smile on his lips. They pay, pack everything up, and head outside across the store's parking lot._

_"Do you want some?" asks Malik._

_Bakura immediately knows what he means. "No way."_

_"Good. Neither do I," Malik says, giving Bakura another smile, and Bakura grins back._

_The memory hurts Malik, a biting pain that runs through his entire chest, and he would like to beg to finally be allowed to wake up, to remember this moment even later. He knows that he won't be able to, that he can't, no matter how much he wants to - Bakura will disappear from his life, and Malik tries to take in every last moment with him._

_Bakura is still grinning at him until this memory fades away just like all the others before._

★

Malik's phone keeps ringing, only now it's no longer displaying an unknown number. Instead, his screen shows _Don't answer me_. Isis must have saved this name the last time it rang. Eventually, Malik gives up and answers the phone, on a Saturday morning, on his way to the grocery store.

"Hello?"

"I can't believe you erased me. You threw me out of your head and erased me," says a voice that almost reminds Malik of Someone. Almost.

"Who is it?" asks Malik, frowning.

The guy laughs, but it doesn't sound happy. "I'm Bakura, Malik. And you know what, you stupid brat? I'm going to erase you, too. Have a nice life," he says before hanging up.

★

_Malik remembers getting together with Bakura._

_He has already arrived at the day when he finally gathered enough courage to ask Bakura to become his boyfriend. His heart is racing as he sits across from Bakura - he seriously asked Bakura at a snack bar. He was so nervous._

_This moment is important. He doesn't want to forget it._ No, please don't let me forget, _he thinks and knows that it won't do any good anyway._

_Malik had been so damn nervous that he had only given Bakura mumbled, one-syllable answers to everything he asked him. Only now does he notice the expression on Bakura's face, as if he knew something special was about to happen. He's practically beaming with joy, but Then-Malik is too distracted to see it._

_"Bakura," Malik hears himself say, and Bakura looks at him, one eyebrow raised. Malik remembers that moment so well, and his heart does a hopeful skip. "Do you think we should... what would you think of a relationship? A real one?"_

_Oh gods, no he'll forget that too._ No _, Malik wants to scream._

_Bakura's hands freeze in midair, the sandwich halfway to his mouth. "Are you kidding- yeah… I like that idea," Bakura says slowly. He doesn't blink._

_Malik feels himself smiling, and he wishes he could scream because this is the last time he'll remember this._

_"Me too," Malik says, and he and Bakura stare at each other for a few seconds, both with dumb grins on their lips._

_Bakura lowers his sandwich. "By relationship, do you mean... boyfriend and boyfriend? Just the two of us?"_

How the hell did I agree to lose this, _Malik thinks, trying not to regret it too much, because he needs to focus - he needs to focus on this moment, because he'll never see it again._

_"Of course. I mean, we're living together anyway, and... I had thought maybe...", Malik had taken a deep breath, "My bed is huge, so you could sleep with me, from now on. You'd still have your room, of course, but-"_

_"Yes," Bakura replies, leaning back a bit in his chair. "Sounds good."_

Even then I loved you, _Malik thinks._ I should have told you.

_At that time-Malik suddenly laughs. Not because it was so funny, but because he felt so incredibly relieved. "I agree."_

I can't lose this _, Malik thinks, but the scene passes him by until it suddenly dissolves before his eyes._

_It's a few hours later, and they're lying naked next to each other in Malik's huge bed._

_"Just the two of us," Malik whispers against Bakura's lips._

_"Just us," Bakura murmurs before closing the gap between them and kissing Malik._

_Malik feels like crying as the memory stops and fades._

★

Isis seems to forgive Malik a few months after he had Bakura erased from his memories. She stops rejecting Malik and comes over more often to watch movies and spend time with him.

They are watching some boring drama when Malik can't hold back anymore and the question is out of him before he can even be afraid of the answer.

"Why are you so angry that I erased Bakura?"

Silence follows his question, and then Isis takes the remote and pauses the movie.

"It's not... anger." Isis hesitates. "I... never liked Bakura before but over time... anyway, I've been thinking about it, and I guess you had to do it to make yourself feel better."

"Wasn't I fine?" asks Malik, as the statement reminds him of what Rishid told him at the time.

"No... not really," Isis admits, and then murmurs, "Bakura will have you erased soon, too."

"Yeah, I think he called me and told me," Malik replies, not sure what else to say to that. He lets his gaze wander to the TV.

"Well. He'll stop calling."

Malik can't explain the clutching feeling in his chest.

"I know."

★

_Malik remembers how Bakura slowly moved in with him._

_He watches Bakura hammer a nail into the wall to hang a framed photo. They weren't even together at this time. Actually, it had been Rishid's suggestion - two young men sharing the rent and getting along well. Why not?_

_"Do you really want to move in?" he asks Bakura, and Malik knows he hasn't done anything wrong in this memory, just as he knows it will be the last time, he gets to experience this moment. So, he tries to study Bakura's face as closely as he can, but - it's just a memory. There is nothing here except what Malik's brain remembers._

_"I-" Bakura starts._

_"Because, you can if you want to," Malik continues, feeling his heart beating a little faster. He was so nervous._

_"I spend so much time here anyway, and, uh, - what?" asks Bakura, and he grins, carefully._

_"I'd like it if you moved in," Malik says, continuing to walk toward Bakura. "You want to?"_

_"Yes," Bakura replies, cheeks slightly flushed._

_They had kissed then, and it feels like half an eternity, and Malik's memory flickers now and then as if he had turned off his brain at that moment to just feel, and suddenly Malik regrets it, regrets everything. It's the last time he'll see this, and he'd love to press a magic escape button and end the whole process._ I can't lose this, I can't, _he wants to scream. He wants to wake up and rip all the electrodes off his head._

_But he can't, and by the time he gets to the next memory, he's even forgotten what he was so upset about a moment ago._

★

"Bakura had Malik erased last evening."

Rishid and Malik look at Isis. Malik had no idea what to say. Without knowing why, his chest clutches. Again.

Isis continues, "Ryou drove him there and sat with him in the treatment room. He told me it was... it was...", she seems to consider her next words as she looks at Malik. "With you, it took four hours. Ryou said it was five hours with Bakura. Maybe he remembered more than you did."

Five hours? Malik doesn't even know him anymore, but he's feeling sorry for him. "Is he all right?" he asks out of politeness.

"As well as can be expected," Isis replies, crossing her legs.

Malik nods. He doesn't know what else to say.

And soon they change the subject.

★

_Malik remembers all the pointless discussions._

_He had hoped all along to be able to avoid the memory of that conflict, and now that he has arrived at it, he has the feeling that time is passing much slower than usual_ _as if he were forced to perceive every single second with double intensity._

 _Bakura is stretched out on Malik's couch, zipping through the TV program and doing nothing else. Bakura had already dropped out of school and hadn't even considered catching up on his graduation, but Malik was in the middle of final exams and overworked and exhausted. On that day in particular he can feel his heart beating faster, annoyed by Bakura's presence, and maybe if he had said something like,_ "Listen, I'm really tired, maybe you should go home," _it wouldn't be what he knows is coming, and so he has to hear himself say, "Is that all you do all day? Because you can do that at your place too."_

_Bakura raises an eyebrow. "Am I disturbing you?"_

_"I actually wanted my privacy," says Then-Malik, hating the tone in his voice. "Even though you probably don't get it. What do you do all day, huh? You barely work, no school, nothing."_

I'm sorry I said that, it's been a hard time for you, _Malik thinks to Bakura, as if hoping that Bakura can hear him somehow after all._

_"It's just a matter of time before I get a job and otherwise I’ll rob a bank," Bakura replies, his voice playful and teasing. Bakura thought Malik was just kidding._

_Malik remembers Bakura's response, making him incredibly angry. "Good for you, I don't have time for this shit though. I'm totally busy, and you don't even live here."_ But I wanted you to _, Malik thinks._

_If it had ended here, then maybe it would have been okay, but there was more._

_"Okay, whatever you say," Bakura snorts, sounding like he's still making light of the whole thing, but now Malik can see how tense and glum Bakura looks as he stands up and gathers his things._

_But Then-Malik didn't see that. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have started fucking with you either," he says, loud enough for Bakura to hear, but still quiet enough for it to seem like he knew even then that he shouldn't have said that. Bakura stops, frozen, and Malik keeps talking, wishing he could stop himself somehow. "I'm not like you. I don't do things like that with just any random person. To me, things like that mean something."_

Shut up, Malik, shut up.

_Bakura's anger is so much more sinister because it's not loud like it usually is, but cold and calm. "I wish you hadn't kissed me either, asshole," he says slowly before walking out of Malik's apartment and slamming the door behind him._

_The next memories are just Malik going to Bakura and them arguing._

★

"You have to come to my Halloween party," Ryou says, leaning against Malik's desk. "It's at my place. Dress up spooky and bring something to eat or drink. Everyone else is coming, too."

"Sounds good," Malik says and means it. He likes Ryou's place. "Bakura will be there," he suddenly remembers. "Won't that be weird?"

Ryou shrugs his shoulders. "You don't have to talk to him. You can talk to Rishid or Jounouchi or Yugi." He takes Malik's phone from his hand and saves the appointment in his calendar. "Don't argue, though," Ryou adds quietly.

Malik raises an eyebrow and grins. "Why should I argue with someone I don't know?"

Ryou sighs and the look he gives him makes Malik's grin drop. "No, don't worry, I won't start anything. Is anyone going as a vampire yet?" he asks, and as Ryou shakes his head he starts planning.

He spends his entire next afternoon trying to buy his costume together. In the end, all he finds is a cape, vampire fangs and a hat. "Wizard?" the cashier asks him, and Malik only now realizes that his costume kind of misses the point, but whatever. Ryou's parties are always fun, everyone drinks, and no one will notice what a terrible vampire Malik is.

He arrives at the party relatively late - his shift doesn't end until 10 pm, and when he knocks on the door most people are already drinking properly.

Ryou opens the door for him, dressed as a skeleton. His cheeks are slightly rosy, and he hugs Malik. "It's good to have you here. Are you a wizard?"

"Vampire," Malik replies. Somehow he's a little embarrassed by the whole thing, but Ryou smiles and he has the decency to pretend not to notice. He lets Malik enter and leads the way into the living room.

"We have lots of punch and a buffet in the kitchen. Have fun," he says, taking the motorcycle keys from Malik to give them to Otogi, who is either a werewolf or just something very hairy.

Malik goes down the hall to the kitchen and fills a glass with some of the punch. The alcohol is strong enough that Malik only sips it a few times before going back into the living room and sitting down on the couch next to Rishid, who is dressed as a fireman. His costume looks pretty good, not like any cheap stuff.

"You look awesome," Malik lisps through his vampire fangs. "Everyone looks silly, but your costume is pretty good."

"Thanks, I borrowed it from a friend who is in the volunteer fire department," Rishid replied, amused. "What are you supposed to be? A vampire or a wizard?"

"I'm the guy Ryou invited practically the day before. A busy guy who couldn't borrow a cool costume from anyone." Malik takes another sip of his punch which is more alcohol than anything else and watches Mai and Jounouchi dance together to the music. They're dressed as Catwoman and Batman. It's kind of cute.

"You're the guy who didn't want to take out his plastic teeth so he could pretend to be a wizard," Rishid chuckles.

Malik feels even sillier than before and stands up. "You're probably right," he says, walking through the crowd again and back into the kitchen to throw away his vampire fangs. He just bends over the trash can and spits them right in.

"You're Malik, aren't you?" someone asks behind him.

Malik straightens up and turns around. It's the guy from the photos, the one who erased Malik.

Bakura.

"Yeah, I just- I had plastic fangs in my mouth, and I threw them away." Malik feels nervous for some reason.

Bakura smiles slightly. "I thought you were throwing up or something." He pauses for a moment, biting his lower lip. "My name is Bakura. I think I erased you from my memories?" His smile is beautiful. He's shorter than Malik and has a handsome face, and Malik is totally taken with him.

"Yeah," he says, a little relieved, raising one corner of his lips. "I erased you, too."

"I'm sorry about that," Bakura takes a few steps toward him. Malik leans against the kitchen sideboard behind him. "I think things went wrong on our end."

Malik shrugs his shoulders. "That's okay," he replies, still grinning. "I don't remember it anyway."

"Yes," Bakura agrees with him, nodding, and then they both look at each other silently for a while.

Bakura is dressed as a pirate or something - a wide crimson coat, a white top, too-tight pants, and silly shoes. Two strands of white hair that remind Malik of horns are sticking out of his bandana. He doesn't look any less handsome because of it, though. It takes a little while for Malik to notice, but Bakura's hands are playing with the hem of his own coat. Bakura is bored, he thinks, but - maybe it's something else. It's like someone is whispering in his ear, _maybe_ _Bakura is nervous_.

"This is kind of weird," Malik admits, even though it probably shakes up his previously fairly cool appearance a bit. It doesn't bother him.

He expects Bakura to make fun of it, instead _,_ he sighs. "I thought it was just me," he grins wryly at him. "I must have been really stupid to scare off a guy like you. I mean, look at you."

Malik doesn't know what to say to that. He can feel his cheeks flush a little, and part of him wants to make a snarky comment, maybe _I didn't know you were blind_ , but it's almost like something is stopping him. Instead, he says, "You make a good pirate."

Bakura shakes his head with a grin. "I got the outfit together at the last minute. But you're a good... uh, wizard?"

Malik shrugs again. "I wanted to go as a vampire, but the fangs were stupid, and now... I guess I'm a wizard." Malik is a little horrified at how honest he is with Bakura, but Bakura seems to like it. Malik stands completely still as Bakura reaches out to adjust Malik's hat.

"Malik, there's still Punch!" calls Rishid from the doorway, coming into the kitchen and staring at the two of them. "Seriously?" he asks dryly. "Isis is going to have a heart attack."

Only now does Malik realize how close Bakura and he are standing to each other, alone in the kitchen. Bakura's hand on Malik's hat. "Well," he clears his throat, suddenly remembering. "Like in that photo you showed me, huh?"

Rishid shakes his head. "You guys are going to kill me." He pauses for a moment, and Malik is a thousand percent sure he's smiling before he leaves the kitchen again.

Bakura opens and closes his mouth as if he doesn't know what to say, and Malik gazes at him warily before noticing that Bakura really isn't bored - he's tense. Nervous.

"How old are you?" asks Malik.

"Twenty-one," Bakura replies. "You?"

"Twenty," Malik says, unable to hold back a small smile.

They look at each other silently again until Malik laughs quietly. "This is so weird."

"But a good weird," Bakura nods, looking a little surprised at himself as if he wouldn't normally be so honest. Malik knows the feeling.

"Good weird," Malik agrees, taking a sip of his punch to hide his stupid grin.

★

_Malik remembers their first kiss._

_He remembers it as a short and awkward kiss on Bakura’s lips. It wasn’t actually planned that way. Nonetheless, it was beautiful._

_The memory is hazy, almost blurry, because Malik had been so drunk. But now Malik is as sober as can be, and he wishes he had a better view of how Bakura looks at him, hoping Malik will take him home. The bar is well frequented. A couple of their friends are sitting at the table close by, and Malik remembers how they looked over at them, and how he slid a little away from Bakura to make them stop looking._

_He didn't want to seem clingy or pushy, so he ended up sitting there like he didn't care one bit. Watching it now he hates how Bakura looks more and more disappointed when Malik doesn't kiss him again, but starts some nonsensical conversation instead._

_"I think I need to get home. I'll see you then," Malik hears himself say. It's just a memory, but he wishes he could somehow gain control of his body and act completely different this time._

_"Sure. I can come with you, just let me say bye to the others." Bakura sounds like it's the most normal thing in the world._

I should have said yes, _Malik thinks desperately._ I wanted you to come with me. I should have said yes.

_Then-Malik doesn't think, and right now he hates himself for saying, "I'm afraid that would make it more serious than it is. Stay here."_

I wanted it to be serious. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, _Malik thinks._

_The pain in Bakura's eyes clamps Malik's heart. The memory fades, and Malik has about half a second until the next memory begins. He feels nothing but regret for the entire half-second._

★

"What kind of music does Bakura like?" asks Malik to Rishid the next evening. The museum is already closed, and Malik is only here to do some paperwork. Rishid is working on some awfully boring-looking file on his computer. It contains a lot of numbers and he keeps opening a new tab before forcing himself to close it and continue working. Malik knows the feeling.

"Rock," Rishid replies, lost in thought, and then he suddenly stops. "Wait. Why do you ask?"

"I want to ask him out, I thought a concert might be good." Malik frowns. "Which artists exactly?"

Rishid turns in his chair to look at Malik. There is silence for what seems like an eternity, and Malik somehow expects Rishid to tell him what a bad idea this is, that Malik is an idiot - something along those lines. He tries to counter that. "I want to do something he likes. And make sure everything is going well. I think he likes me, so... maybe this time we can..."

Again there is silence for a few seconds, and then Rishid smiles and replies, "Just ask him." It's practically Rishid's way of saying he'll give them his blessing, and they both know it.

Malik sighs in relief.

He spends the next few days searching his entire apartment for clues to his and Bakura's past life but finds nothing. He must have thrown everything away after the breakup. Maybe he even did something as dramatic as burning the stuff, but somehow that doesn't seem like his style.

Either way, he has to find another solution. He sends Bakura a request on one of the numerous social networks. He stares at his phone intensely until Bakura confirms the request barely five minutes later.

He immediately scans Bakura's page for clues about his favorite artists and looks at a few of Bakura's pictures. It's strange to see him with people Malik knows - Ryou, Jounouchi, Otogi, Honda, and even Rishid.

Eventually, he googles date ideas, and scrolls through the results for a few minutes. Maybe they can meet at one of Malik's days off.

For a moment, he even thinks about just forgetting about the whole thing again. He doesn't even know Bakura yet.

Malik groans in annoyance and leans back in his chair, trying to just give up, but he can't. He keeps remembering how attractive Bakura is, and how hard he tried to get Malik to like him, and that Bakura seemed comfortable anyway, even though it was such a weird situation, and damn. He leans forward again and keeps searching. He'll find something.

He opens the social network again and sees that Bakura has sent him a message. It's a phone number. Malik reaches for his phone and saves it before quickly typing a text message.

_Hey, it's Malik._

It takes about a second for his phone to start ringing. He answers the call immediately. "Hello?"

"Hey. It's Bakura," Bakura says. "From the party," he adds unnecessarily. He must be nervous again.

"I know," Malik replies, frowning. "I mean- how are you?"

"Good, good. I, uh, I don't know if you know? I'm catching up on my graduation. I'm doing pretty good." Bakura sounds a little boastful, but Malik wonders if he's trying to impress him.

"Is that supposed to impress me?" he asks, but he's grinning, and he's sure Bakura can hear that.

Bakura laughs in amusement. "More or less, I guess."

Malik's gaze drops to his monitor. "I know this is probably weird, and maybe I shouldn't even ask, but I thought you were pretty nice at the party, and... it didn't work out between us last time, in the end, but I'm sure we had good times too."

He pauses a bit to give Bakura a chance to say something too, but Bakura remains silent, so Malik continues. "But I was thinking, if you want, we could try something crazy. We could go on a date. I'm free on Thursday, Saturday, and Tuesday evenings. So," Malik gulps, "I don't know- we could go out for a drink, or go out for a brunch, or-"

"Where can we go for brunch in the evening?" asks Bakura, and for a moment Malik thinks the whole thing is off until he realizes Bakura is trying to plan their date with him. "I could... I don't know. Cook something to eat. I can't cook, but I can at least try."

"Yeah, we can do that. When?" Malik's knees shake a little.

"Thursday is most likely, so... then? I’ll take note of it."

"Sounds good," Malik says, then adds, on impulse, "Don't forget it."

Bakura laughs. "I don't even know who you are."

"Then I'll just have to remind you," Malik says before he can think about it.

He wants to take it back, but then Bakura says, "Make an effort." His voice is warm.

★

_Malik finally gets to his last memories of Bakura._

_At first, he barely remembers him, merely assuming him to be an acquaintance of Ryou. Bakura's face is mostly blurry and constantly fading, except for an almost ridiculously clear memory of Bakura's smirk, which Malik happened to catch when he turned to Rishid. It's like he's watching it on an HD TV, and Malik would love to pause the moment and swell inside it forever._

_He arrives at the last memory, which is also the first - the day they met for the first time. It's evening, and Bakura is standing in the doorway of Malik's kitchen - he and Ryou had come over for dinner in Malik's incredibly empty new apartment._

_Malik's heart beats fast as he follows the memory; at the time, Malik had believed that Bakura's cocky manner was nothing more than an attempt to seem cool. He had seen him as an annoying, disrespectful troublemaker._

_But now that he's reliving this moment after years... he realizes that Bakura is like this because he's nervous, and as Malik walks up to him, he turns to face him._

This is the last time, isn't it, _Malik thinks._ I would give you another chance if I could.

_Bakura is so attractive that Then-Malik has to pull himself together to maintain his casual attitude, and he feels himself putting on his typical half-grin and asking Bakura, "Can I get you a beer or something?"_

_Malik sees how young they both are, how unsure. It's as if a weight suddenly lifts off his shoulders, and he thinks,_ I forgive you, _directed at Bakura. He thinks,_ I forgive you _, to himself._

_Bakura smirks at him and asks him why it took so long. And now, Malik can see that Bakura didn't know how to assess the situation. He overplays his nervousness. Malik thought at that time Bakura was either an idiot or weird._

And I was right, _Malik thinks._ You were an idiot and weird, and I loved you.

_The scene suddenly fades and disappears._

Goodbye Bakura _, Malik thinks._

_It is almost noon. Malik struggles to get up from his bed. He is so damn tired._

_Psychiatrist, 3 pm, his phone calendar shows him for today. He has no idea why he has an appointment with the psychiatrist. He feels fine. Everything is fine._

★

Malik arrives at Bakura's doorstep on Thursday night with a bottle of wine. He has no idea how a real first date should go, and he hopes Bakura doesn't think Malik wants to get him drunk. When Bakura opens the door for him, he smiles. "Hey," he says, holding out the bottle of wine to him. "I brought this."

"Very good," Bakura says with a grin, but the grin seems a little forced somehow. "Well, I really tried, but... I ruined the food."

Malik somehow feels better when he sees Bakura's nervousness. "It's okay, we can just go somewhere." He shrugs. "A restaurant, maybe? Must still have something open."

Bakura nods, grabs a black coat, and follows Malik outside. He closes the door behind him and walks beside Malik on the sidewalk. "I actually like most of it, but mainly meat," Bakura says, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Malik is about to say that he doesn't like meat when he suddenly changes his mind. "Sure, I'll invite you," he offers, and Bakura's smile is worth it.

It's cold, and Malik buries his hands in his jacket pockets as he thinks about what he might say.

"Did Rishid tell you anything else about why we broke up?" he asks.

Bakura shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't... want to know, in a way. A few things I could guess. Um. I know how I can be."

"Me too," Malik quickly agrees with him. His hands are freezing right now. "But I was kind of hoping that... now that we're older, maybe we could... I mean, it doesn't have to be anything serious right away. It's just a date, and, maybe it'll lead us somewhere." He loved Bakura once, and he's almost certain he can love Bakura again, but he's not going to tell him that on their first date.

"I'm sure it will. I mean, we haven't learned our lesson, apparently," Bakura says. He grins again.

Malik grins back, and then there's a comfortable silence between them. The streetlights shine and cars pass them, illuminating the sidewalk. Malik's jacket isn't warm enough, and he shoves his hands deeper into his pockets.

Bakura reaches out and takes one of Malik's hands out of his pocket before taking it in his own and interlocking their fingers. Malik's hand suddenly feels warm, and he feels brave enough to just stop.

Bakura stops as well, looking at him questioningly. Malik watches Bakura's expression, taking in every detail, trying to store everything well in his memory - Bakura's face lit up by the streetlights, the unspoken question in his eyes, the smile when he realizes what Malik is doing.

"Will you remember this time?" he asks teasingly, not accusingly. They both know neither of them remembers the first time.

It doesn't matter anymore, Malik thinks, before leaning in to kiss Bakura, letting go of his hand to bury it in Bakura's white hair instead. 

It doesn't last long - he doesn't want to rush anything - but as he takes a step back he looks at Bakura again, just to memorize that image. He is pleased to see that Bakura looks content, slowly opening his closed eyes and smiling slightly at him. Malik smiles back.

"Will you remember this?" asks Bakura again.

_I won't erase you again_ , he promises Bakura silently.

"Yes. You?"

"Yes," Bakura replies, reaching for his hand again. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat, I'm hungry."

Malik smiles and Bakura squeezes his hand.

They walk on slowly, and this time Malik lets Bakura take the lead.

**Author's Note:**

> About the storylines: The italicized parts represent the treatment Malik has done to erase Bakura from his memories. The memories go further back in their shared past, and Malik relives all these memories during the treatment, not in the progress of the story itself.
> 
> -
> 
> Otherwise... I feel a bit emotionally drained after this story, and hope that you maybe feel the same way - or at least that you enjoyed the Oneshot!


End file.
